100+ best Funny Quotes on Life - Jokes and Memes about Life

Why we need funny quotes:

Funny quotes are necessary to have some fun in our virtual life. Now a days people are so much busy with their professional jobs. So, in order to make everyone laugh and drive this monotony away you should upload our best funny quotes on your status. You can just simply copy these funny quotes and paste it on your social handles. If you are a girl and you want some funny quotes for girls, you can also find it on our website (the quotes ocean). For the past few days due to corona pandemic everyone has to stay home, family members are feeling so much boring. You can entertain them with our funny quotes for brother. Are you a student and feel bore whenever sit to study? You can try our funny quotes on study. Also wr have funny quotes about marriage and funny quotes about food.

We hope you will like these funny quotes.

Best funny quotes in english.

• Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt
• The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream.
• It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
• Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’
• Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over.
• When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it.
• When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
• Here’s all you have to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
• When I’m in social situations, I always hold onto my glass. It makes me feel comfortable and secure and I don’t have to shake hands.
• Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.
• We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.
• What the hell is that?" I laughed....."It's my fox hat."....."Your fox hat?"...."Yeah, Pudge. My fox hat."....."Why are you wearing your fox hat?" I asked....."Because no one can catch the motherfucking fox.
• It’s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.
• People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.
• My therapist says I’m afraid of success. I guess I could understand that, because after all, fulfilling my potential would really cut into my sitting-around time.
• Halloween is the beginning of the holiday shopping season. That’s for women. The beginning of the holiday shopping season for men is Christmas Eve.
• Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.
• Do not make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans or they will treat you like dogs.
• Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.
• The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.
• I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.

Best funny quotes for girls.

• Speak english. Kiss french. Dress italian. Spend arab. Party caribbean.
• We girls, we’re tough, darling. Soft on the outside but, deep down, we’re tough.
• I’m a girl. Don’t touch my hair, face, phone, or boyfriend
• No one ever told me I was pretty when I was a little girl. All little girls should be told they’re pretty, even if they aren’t.
• The strongest actions for a woman is to love herself, be herself.
• Don’t cry for a guy because girls give and forgive, and guys get and forget.
• Women listen half, understand quarter but can tell double that is how powerful their ability of communication is.
• Girls work on their looks, not their minds, because they know boys are dumb, not blind.
• The saddest thing for a girl to do is to dumb herself down for a guy.
• The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
• I think vest are all about protection. You know what I man? Like a life-vest protects you from drowning and a bullet-proof vest protects you from getting shot and the sweater-vest protects you from pretty girls.
• 'Leave me alone. Can't you see I'm cold just right here?'
• Women don't care, man. If the beat's all right, she will dance all night! I've seen girls on the floor dancing to the nastiest shit ever made. It's like, "Smack her with a dick, smack her with a dick! … I put a dick in the ear, a dick in the ear! … Fuck her in the eye, fuck her in the eye! … Blind the bitch, blind the bitch!"
• The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
• You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
• A smart statement written outside a women’s shoe shop: 75% Discount if you select in 5 minutes.
• If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
• Good girls go to heaven when they die only to find that all handsome angels are taken by beautiful girls.
• The most beautiful woman is one who puts on a smile as her makeup every morning.
• God looked at the boring hairstyle of Adam and said, “Let’s create someone with a more creative head”.
• I'm not short. I'm fun sized, bite-sized, vertically efficient, adorable, dainty, & great at hugging.

Best funny quotes for brothers.

• He might have a big mouth, but he's still my little brother.
• I don't call you a little brother because you're younger, I call you a little brother because it's my right to belittle you.
• Brothers are always helping you out for free, they work pro-bro-no.
• What do you call your brother when he looks like a Ken doll? Broken!
• My brother is my best friend until he tells on me. Then, he's my brother.
• My brother is my partner in crime. Until we get caught, then he did it!
• Sometimes being a brother is even better than being a superhero.
• You and I are brother and sister forever. Always remember that if you fall I will pick you up. As soon as I finish laughing.
• Admit it: we always eat and drink slower than our brother or sister so that we can tease them at the end when we’re the only one with any left.
• Some relationships are like Tom and Jerry: They tease each other, knock down each other, irritate each other, but can’t live without each other!
• I know it’s a cliché, but the whole family is just whacked. I mean, we’re all out of our minds. They’re the funniest, most eccentric bizarre people I’ve ever met, my siblings.
• The best thing about having… big brothers is you always have someone to do something for you.
• I'm proud, but Mom and Dad still like me better.
• Little sisters - the only person in the world you can blame for the things you did and get away with it.
• If you trip and fall in life, I will be there to help you up - after I quit laughing.
• You're my sister and my best friend. If you think otherwise, just remember I know all your secrets.

Best Funny quotes about marriage.

• My wife, Mary, and I have been married for forty-seven years, and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce. Murder, yes, but divorce, never.
• I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
• Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.
• Love is the same as like, except you feel sexier.
• You are a smart cookie. A wise chocolate cake. A brilliant pancake.
• To keep your marriage brimming; with love in the loving cup… Whenever you’re wrong admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.
• The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.
• Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.
• Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
• Marriage is a difficult project. When seven years have passed and all your body’s cells have been replaced, you’re meant to experience that seven-year itch.
• Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.
• I married beneath me, all women do.
• If I get married, I want to be very married.
• A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.
• To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.
• Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.
• Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.
• A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
• I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
• Marriage is getting to have a sleep over with your best friend, every single night of the week.

Best funny quotes about food.

• The heart wants what the heart wants. (Cookies. It’s always cookies.)
• Love means never having to say "Should we get dessert?"
• Eating a croissant. Expectation: Fancy and French. Reality: Crumb apocalypse.
• Q: What do you call a person who actually likes dark chocolate more than milk chocolate? A: A liar.
• My mind says “abs” but my heart says “cheese fries.”
• If we shouldn't eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge?
• I thought about losing weight once, but I don't like losing.
• You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake itself.
• Nutrition labels should include an "What if I ate the whole thing" section.
• Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.
• My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch... I call it lunch.
• My hobbies include eating and complaining that I've gained too much weight.
• The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it's a potato with fur.
• I'm like Pacman when I'm at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.
• Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
• I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
• Pilates? I thought you said pie and lattes!
• Some days I eat salads and go to the gym. Some days I eat cupcakes and refuse to put on pants. It’s called balance.
• My friends tell me that cooking is easy, but it’s not easier than not cooking.
• Gigi Hadid eats a burger once a week and so do I.

Best funny quotes on study.

• I am in a relationship with studies, and it’s complicated.
• A thermometer is not the only thing that gets a ‘degree’ without having a ‘brain’! (A silent message for all students).
• If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.
• Not everyone who takes extra paper during finals writes extra sense.
• 80% of an exam is always based on one lecture that you missed and one topic that you didn’t prepare.
• Amen brother – Final exam… done and dusted. At least till results day.
• Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college where you figure out two plus two is ten, or something.
• Every college student knows the importance of 11:59.
• Don’t stop until you’re proud.
• A wise girl knows her limits, a smart girl knows she has none. 
• If you need an example of how to live you should not have been born.
• I hates studying for exams, Is there an APP for that?
• The goal of education is to replace an empty mind with an open mind.
• My teacher used to say that I can’t do anything in my life but she doesn’t know that I came for her
• I never attended my lectures at school 100% but I never skip any function
• I am like a Gangster in school the rest of the day but at the PTI I am like an employee begging in front of his boss for promotion
• School taught me never to quit but they never taught me when to stop and I’m still going away
• If you want to find out if someone is a true bookworm or not, give them a thousand page novel and see what happens.

Conclusion:

So, these were the best funny quotes. We hope you liked these quotes. Feel free to copy and paste these quotes. It's free! If you want more like this, let us know in the comment section.

Also read: 100+ best Life Quotes and Sayings Related to Reality

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